WEEK SIX (at the start)
“Am I still really doing this thing?” I think that about every two weeks. It’s turned into a stupid obsession, which I hate. To be fair, I think my hair was an obsession before, just in a much more subtle time consuming way. I just didn’t think about it. I don’t want to be this much into my hair. I hate how much I think about it and talk about it. I have to remind myself that, this is a process with the eventual result of not having to care much at all about it. I mean, among other materialistic things, that is a major goal.
When you think you understand a thing after thirty+ years of having it, only to realize that you don’t at all, it’s just weird. This is a girl’s plight. I don’t think I know any guy who would care this much about it and they shouldn’t. No one should, really. Count this as just another thing I feel like I should have gotten out of the way back around age thirteen and yet (tragically?) seem to be caught up in just now.
I used to brush my abuela’s hair when I was little. She would come to visit in the summertime and I didn’t speak any spanish. She didn’t speak any english. She would sit in front of me and hand me a brush and make the motion for me to brush her hair. Strange how brush strokes and fingertips and nearness connected us, where language couldn’t. Taking a brush to my hair today, reminded me of that. Her hair felt like this.
This waxy but clean feeling in my hair is driving me mad. I go through moments of loving what’s going on with this hair to straight up hating it. All in the span of one day, I am a roller coaster of loving and loathing it. I have hope and cannot wait to stop this obsession.
Obviously the loving is winning out over the loathing, or I would have caved in to shampoo. So the PROS: WAY more body (volume) in my hair, without me even trying. Even though showering is quite the process, it’s the only process. My hair dries so much quicker than it ever has. When I’m not hating up on it, my hair is definitely smoother and softer. The best part – no product.
With the pro, comes the CONS: The waxy feeling. Could be hard water. Could be a part of transition. Whatever it is, it sucks. What was true of yesterday’s process, may not be true of today’s. Things that I thought were cool with my hair (as if it is it’s own entity) are not so even just two weeks later. That whole coconut milk + aloe vera thing? Can’t do it anymore. Unbelievably greasy hair the last two times I tried it. In fact, right now, I’m considering scratching it all and sticking to water only washing. Also, I broke down and bought a true boar bristle brush today. Finger-combing is nice and all, but I’m not sure I’m really working all the sebum down from the top of my head to the ends, plus it’s time consuming with the length of my hair. My hair feels so different from when I first started this thing, that maybe it can handle being actually brushed at this point? I don’t know. We’ll see.
At this point, there’s one thing I know for sure. I can’t boldly state that I can follow one specific regimen over another. I really hope sooner rather than later, I will be able to. Hair is annoying to focus this much time and energy thinking about.
(taken today) While I’ve been steering clear of any blow dryer or iron of any sort for weeks now, I broke down and used the blow dryer with a diffuser two days ago and have been shocked at the extra body and lack of frizz still. It’s nice to know I can use it. Having wet hair on these cold days in the morning is not fun.